Pregnancy After an Eating Disorder
I recently shared this on my personal Instagram (@melodyjoymcmunn) and felt it was fitting to share here as well…
“Friends that know of my eating disordered past have been kind enough to ask me what it’s been like to be in my body since I’ve been pregnant. That has been a profoundly kind and caring question to me as it’s caused me to reflect a lot along the way.
Until I became pregnant I hadn’t weighed myself in about 8 years.
For those that don’t know, at each appointment. they weigh you to ensure you’re gaining a healthy amount for you & baby along the way. Totally normal. And yes, you’re growing a human… but I think for just about anyone having someone update you on your “gains” once a month is an abnormal experience. Not to mention your body is changing weekly in the mirror.
I had a good laugh/cry in the car the last time I weighed in at my midwife appointment. I realized I am 40lbs. heavier now than I was when I was my lowest anorexic weight. And literally rejoiced when I realized how much I didn’t give a damn! 🙌🏻 Ohh how I wish I could have told 19 yr. old me where we are now.
I often describe my recovery as more of a brain transplant than anything. From the ways my eyes see my body (👋🏻body dysmorphia) to the fact that I can’t remember the calorie counts of foods I had memorized.
Of course I’ve had moments where I’ve felt less confident, or I’ve been frustrated as all of my clothes stopped fitting. But it’s lightyears away from the physical and mental torment I experienced as an anorexic.
An eating disorder can have a lasting toll on your body, especially your fertility. So I feel incredibly blessed to now be 34 weeks pregnant and have gained every lb. needed to keep the both of us healthy. I’m thankful that despite all of my nausea during my first trimester I was never able to throw up. I’m even thankful that when I sat on my husband last night and he accidentally groaned a little because I’m heavier we both laughed our heads off 😂🤰🏻 I am so completely detached from my weight, and SO thankful for God’s helping hand in my recovery, continued protection over my mind, and for baby boy growing so big that these maternity jeans won’t fit much longer 😏 #34weeks “
xo, Melody Joy